Man in the Mirror

"...when you can look in the mirror like, 'There I am' and/

still not see, what you've become/" - Jay-Z, "Lost Ones", 1st verse

I think it was a movie. I once heard someone say something to the effect of 'Today was the first time I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back at me." Something like that happened last night. I don't know, maybe it was cause it was the first time in a while I was clean-shaven (mustache and all). It was just strange. I always remembered looking younger when I was clean-shaven, but looking in the mirror this particular time, I saw a person that looked older than before. Like I said, maybe cause I just haven't seen myself without a mustache in a while.

But there was something else. I kept saying to myself, 'That person is 30." And yes, I know, the last few blogs make it sound like I'm having some sort of crisis over here, but that's not true at all, it's just fresh on my mind right now (I'm not even a week in yet, you know). Anyways, I don't think I've ever 'grown up' in terms of how I think about the man in the mirror. Straight up, I still see the Fred from Newport or the Fred from Young Hall. I'm sure its how parents of famous people look at their kids--how you see them goes beyond what you physically see...you see 'that person' cause you have a deeper understanding of who the person in that body is.

I'm in no way saying that I haven't matured, I'm just saying its like showering. Like looking at yourself in the mirror, its the one thing you've pretty much done in solitude your whole life, so the process in which you shower (or see yourself in the mirror) hasn't really changed since you were young. It's just wild when you realize that that person staring back has been on this earth for 30 years and, while by no means is old, is still no longer young. So you try to see yourself as an 'older' person, and seeing myself without a mustache, I got a brief glimpse.

I'm sorry if this sounds confusing, I just wanted to document it.

Cheers.

Phases

Funny things happen when you pull an all-nighter. Usually around that no man's land time like around 3 to 5, you get to thinking. Me, my mind drifted around the different periods in my life (yeah, turning 30 and all, these things are fresh on your mind), and I noticed an interesting pattern...

I broke up with Shorty-baby shortly after Valentine's Day in '98. For the next two years, there were women that cameo-ed in my life, but nothing serious came along until Yonnie in '00. For roughly the next two years we dated, then she went to 'Semester at Sea' ('02) and we took a break from which we never got back together. The next four years again saw women that were, and are to this day, still special to me, but I never categorized them as my 'girlfriend' until Momo ('06). We dated for a lil' over a year, then shortly after breaking up with her Kadija was introduced in my life and that lasted til the end of last year.

So to recap -

• Non-Girlfriend periods - '98-'00; '02-'06
• Girlfriend periods - '00-'02; '06-'10

OK, so here's where it gets interesting. A look deeper into those 'non-girlfriend' periods saw a monster-load of me-myself-and-I time where the creative/goal-oriented side of myself prevailed. Between '98 and '00, I probably kept at least 6 journals, read a rack of books (outside of those needed for classes), taught myself to rap (the talent of which I've pretty much lost as of now) and was heavily involved with Streeteam. Between '02 and '06, I recorded well over 70 of the infamous Jungluv tapes, organized the ill-fated 'Secret Society' parties (which would have worked under different circumstances, dammit!!!!), made a number of beats on the Motif and, again, read a rack of books (not to mention I also willed myself to take that Real Estate class over at FSU which arguably is the reason I'm in commercial real estate now).

Now, I'm sure that the concept of one being more productive in the absence of a significant other is nothing new. It's just that when you're in the moment (at least for me), I've found that my overall sentiment is 'happier' during the girlfriend periods. And I'm sure its more than just the sex. I mean, its also that you have a person in which to confide, laugh, and...just be lazy with...exactly!--when you look back, you truly see the value in being alone.

Of course, I'm saying this cause now I'm in not only my 30's, but I believe the next 'phase' of my development (the non-girlfriend one). And the stakes couldn't be higher. I mean seriously, the next 'significant other' one that follows this one will more than likely be the 'wife/family' phase.

Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better for sitting at home typing on the computer on a Friday night. And yes, I've been VERY productive as of late--still going strong on all my resolutions.

Cheers.

Welcome to the Decade of Pain...

I am truly scared of where this is headed.

Cheers.

Quick! Before I Turn 30...

36 minutes to go...

So here I sit, with just over half an hour left of my 20's, and I think, much to my chagrin, that the Lord answered the question I posted in my prior blog....I think the Lord wants me to learn how to lose without giving up.

So I just finished my last jog of my 20's, and before I started I said (to myself in the mirror), that if I can finish the jog in 6 songs or less, I will find true happiness in my 30's. I was on pace, and then the 6th song that came on was the same 6th song that was on during the last time I posted a similar 'do or die' question ('Smash Sumthin' if you must know).

I knew I had to push it...and I did...but I still came up short...by literally less than 5 seconds.

Did I really push myself hard enough?

Did the Lord make sure that song came on at just the right time so that I wouldn't be able to make it?

Does the question I posted even mean anything?

Had I made it, would I be asking myself these questions?

I don't know...all I can do is take it for a lesson, even if it hurts...much less it being the last thing that's on my mind as I exit my 20's.

...I'm not going to quit.

Cheers.

Epic Beard Man

"Bring da ambalamps..."

video platform

video management

video solutions

free video player

...and this had me DYING!!!!

I Have Soooo Far To Go...

Just can't give up.

...I just wanted to say that.

Cheers.

Thanks to Neecy...

I have a new goal (and I'm going to keep this short cause I absolutely need to get to bed)...

...to bag a Latin chick on Latin Night at Eyebar (Wednesdays) before the year's out.

Never been with a Latin chick before, I'm mad rusty in "club" con-'flirt'-ation and I really have nothing to lose approaching chicks as the only non-Spanish speaking Black dude in there. This goal may sound shallow, but there's a method behind the madness...seriously.

Maybe I'll get into that on another blog. But for now...

Cheers.

Speaking of my Car

A funny thing happened this morning.

So, by the next morning after posting the Corrado on craigslist, I had a number of response emails and you wanna know the number one question...?

'What's the mileage?'

Duh. Well, as easy as that sounds to respond to, in practice its actually more involved. See, while I haven't been keeping exact track, I wouldn't be surprised if I hadn't started the car in over a year. Add to that 30" of snow in the dead of winter and, you guessed it, a dead battery. And *bing* you're two for two now...the odometer is digitized. So that means, in order to respond with the exact mileage, I need to jump the car. Good thing we have three cars at the house. But each one presents its own set of challenges...

• the 1985 BMW - seeing the age on this car, the fact its covered and abuts up to just as much snow as the Corrado, and the fact it probably hasn't been started in the month of February, this car probably needs a jump too. Even though starting this car is as simple as getting the key from out my pocket, rather than trying to dig this car from under the snow, attempt to start it then move into 'jump' position, I figured one of the other two cars would be a better bet...
• Dad's Mercedes - Getting the key was as simple as asking dad, who upon being asked said, 'Yeah, the keys are on the counter in the kitchen'. However, finding the battery is a whole 'nother exercise. First, just try to find the lever to pop the hood. After searching high and low throughout that damn car, and asking dad (who didn't know cause he'd never popped the hood on the car before), I finally just started pushing and pulling unlabeled buttons and levers under the steering wheel. Finally, this nondescript red lever popped the hood. But of course it doesn't open all the way, you have to find the second lever under the hood to release the whole thing. However, unlike most cars, where you slide your finger under the opening to push the lever aside, this car has a second lever that slides out from in between the grills (quite clever, but still an inconvenience when you're just trying to keep it moving and these damn Germans just want to be so different and difficult for the sake of 'luxury'). But this was the kicker...so I finally get the hood open and I'm looking for the battery (high and low again) and can't find it. Then I spot a little box that looks like it should be the battery, and what does it say? - "Battery in trunk". WTF?! Mind you, I had already moved the car into position for a hood-to-hood jump, now I had to turn it around yet again. But before I did that, I decided to find this bad boy first. Which I couldn't because of all of dad's junk in the trunk (pause) and I didn't feel like pulling back any velcro. So now we're down to the final car...
• Mom's Mazda - Now, the issue with this car isn't on the back end, but the front--getting the keys. Now mom is on the phone when I call upstairs to ask can I use her keys to jump the Corrado. "Huh, wait, lemme call you back". Here I am thinking to myself, here we go. I'm finna get asked a million and one questions about the Corrado and hear a million and one chicken little responses about the car and how she's worried.

"So what did you need?"

"Can I use the keys for your car so I can jump the Corrado, I need to get the mileage--"

"You know Fred, I'm worried about that car, that car hasn't been started in a long time..."

"Mom, I'm not even starting the car, I'm just turning the battery on so I can get the mileage. Any what does that matter...?"

"Look, I'm just worried, and why do you always get huffy when I ask a question."

"Cause this has nothing to do with starting the car, and everything with you is always a big deal. I ask dad, and he's like the keys are in the kitchen. With you, you have to stop everything, get off the phone, sit on the steps and have a pow-wow..."

And it went on like this for like another 5 minutes. In the end, I got the keys and everything was smooth sailing from there (118,703 miles, by the way). Its just this aspect of life that gets me peeved. All the stuff that made this whole ordeal 'un'-simple, had NOTHING to do with the actual jumping of the car--whether it was the snow, finding the battery or dealing with questions/comments that have nothing to do with the problem at hand.

And this is how it is with things in life, I'm beginning to see. I just thought this situation, in hindsight, was quite illustrative...even if during the time it was quite perturbing.

Cheers.

Hey, Does Anyone Want a New Car...

Cause I have a '93 VW Corrado for sale...

Sexy ain't she. Yeah, and she's got issues too. I swear, this car is like the beautiful girlfriend that you look awesome with when you're out and the sex is on point...but she's crazy and half the time you're time together you spent arguing. At some point, its just not worth it anymore. Long story short, something always needs to be fixed or breaks. You really only get a good 2-3 months of good driving at a time before you have to take it to the shop. Which presents two problems: 1) the car was only made from '90 to '94 so finding parts can be a bit of a problem at times and 2) '90 was 20 years ago, that said, you're really hard pressed to find someone with knowledge of how to service the car.

Anyways, the fuse for the wind-shield wipers went out (in the middle of a storm no less) and her and I haven't been speaking since (I'd say over a year now). Moreover, she's bore first hand witness to my philandering with ol' faithful behind her (the '85 BMW you see on the left hand side of the picture). Anyways, enough is enough and I've been procrastinating for long enough...

$3,500 (OBO) and she's yours.

I'm serious...

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/mld/cto/1600813861.html

Cheers.

Where my Mind's @ Right Now

First off, Happy 'Single's Awareness' Day to all those without a Valentine.

Onto the title of this blog. I honestly feel like I'm on the cusp of something great that could set off the next phase of my life. I just don't know if what I'm presented with right now is merely a test to see if I can pick myself up after a 'near-win' loss...or if its a test to see if I can motivate and drive myself to a "by-the-nose" win.

I really, really, really, really hope and pray its the latter of the two...but you can never be sure until its all said and done. I really think I'm ready, but beyond me playing my part to the best of my ability, it's not in my hands...its in the Lord's.

Let's just hope the Lord deems me ready to handle the position.

Cheers.

2010 Opening Ceremony

Ok...

Was I the only one that caught that one of the Olympic 'Columns' that went up during the Olympic Opening Ceremony last night in Vancouver was broken...

[Right here is where I would post a video but I can't seem to find it on nbc's website or youtube. I searched all variations of "2010", "Vancouver", "Olympics", "torch" and "opening ceremony" and couldn't find it. So for those that saw it and know what I'm talking about, please post a comment or link.]

Cheers.

10 Bathrooms

I know I'm getting too old for this isht.

Still, I feel this is basically a digital diary since I'm pretty much the only person that cares and finds this stuff interesting. So, I guess I better get this in before I turn 30 and have less of an excuse.

Cheers.

Not Only Does this Beat '95/'96, but All Others...

In the 29.5" blog, I referenced that because of this storm, '09/'10 might even beat out the '95/'96 season for snow totals. Well I was right, it beat that...and all other previous seasons (since the National Weather Service has been keeping track--for D.C. and MD, that's over 100 years).

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/capitalweathergang/2010/02/winter_2009-2010_likely_snowie.html

Worse yet, there may be another storm on the horizon by Monday.

Cheers.

Snow-pacalypse '10 - Pt. 2

So I faked Sunday and Monday. That means that I have to jog every day the rest of this week to keep the resolution going. No prob...only 10 more inches to deal with on top of semi-plowed District roads :-(

Truth be told though, I was actually looking forward to it cause Capitol Hill looks utterly beautiful under a thick blanket of snow. So much so, I'm taking my camera with me tomorrow to snap pictures mid-stride.

Seriously, if all goes as planned I'll upload them after work tomorrow--yes, I plan to go in (even though my job, along with the Federal Gov't., are closed tomorrow). I'm wearing jeans though.

Ok, here are the pics...

See those stalactites? Those are serious hazards, I personally saw one of those melt and fall onto the sidewalk. If it had hit someone, they might have died.

Capitol Hill View #3

This was the second cross-country skier I saw out today. I also saw a third (albeit, carrying her equipment) on the metro later in the day.

Capitol View #2

Capitol View #1

Capitol Hill View #2

Capitol Hill View #1

Alley View

View East Along H Street NE (the Night before)

Cheers.

More Pics from Snow-pacalypse '10

Cheers.

29.5"

Oh it's true!...

I think this season even beats the '95/'96 season which featured the infamous 'Blizzard of '96'. We were out of school for like more than a week. Some of the best sledding of my life, I tell ya.

On the same note, I kinda feel bad for these school kids this year. The two major snows we've had this season thus far have come on Saturdays. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't get Tuesday off...unless it snows again like the rumors have been circulating.

Cheers.

I Need to See a Caps Game this Season

Cheers.

The $50K Jog

I...did...(gasp)...it...!

Pet Peeves #2

• The dude that ALWAYS gets on the X2 at Gallery Place and raps out loud and/or sporadically with some ambiguous rap or go-go song on his headphones. Mind you, its a different dude everytime. I'm telling you, and I'm serious when I say this, I wouldn't be surprised if its some subconscious, yet ignorant, manifestation of pissing on a tree (i.e. marking one's territory)
• When they release the remix of a popular song on the radio, and cease to play the original anymore...even when the original is by FAR better than the remix.
• When they do a reality show / documentary of a famous person and call it "The (insert name here) Project". Yeah, I'm talking about Michael Vick's new reality show on BET. Sorry, his life post-prison is not a 'Project'. Like he said, 'Yo, I'mma choke out some dogs, go to prison for almost two years, and lose my lucrative ATL Falcons contract...just so I can make a reality show about how I f***ed up then try to get it all back'. Sorry.
• And yes, yet another ad they play a gazillion times on AM 980 where the lady says, "But where was the bailout for the general public struggling in debt?"...or something to that effect. Goes to show you how effective the ad is, I have no idea who its from, yet the irritating part is stuck in my head.

Cheers.