I feel like its still niggas that owe me checks/
I feel like its still bitches that owe me sex/
--Kanye West
"I Put On", 3rd Verse
...and I'm pissed.
Not cause I'm some die hard hockey fan. Quite the opposite, I'm as band-wagon as they come when it comes to the sport. I guess I'm mad for two reasons.
The first involves what the Caps mean to sports in D.C....they're the only bright light. You have a team whose owner can't get out of the way of the team and its operations ('Skins). You have a team whose star player can't get out the way of himself (Wizards). And you have a team...well I don't follow baseball like that, the Nationals just suck (even though they have a winning record right now and Stephen Strausburg on deck). It just seemed the Caps got it right. Their owner, Ted Leonsis, seems to be a genuine guy who cares about the team and knew enough to set the team on a 5-year plan to make it to the Stanley Cup Finals. They have a team captain in Alex Ovechkin who is arguably the best pound-for-pound player in the NHL. And you have an overall team (Ovie included) that is young enough to make a run for some years to come. This was the year, they had all the pieces in place and everything was going according to plan. I believe this was Ted's 5th year of owning the team and they had the best record in all of the NHL (home-field throughout the entire playoffs) and were just coming off a season where they were one game-away (decided in overtime I believe) from reaching the Stanley Cup Finals.
But they lost in the first round after being up 3-1 in the series and playing Game 7 at home.
But second, and most importantly, this seems to be how the world runs. Putting aside the very fact the D.C. may in fact be a cursed sports town, it just seems like in getting to the promised land (in sports, a championship; in life, whatever your ultimate goal may be), you end up paying too much for it.
It's like you realize that its going to be tough and strenuous and nerve-racking and sacrificing. And you're up for it. You're beyond pot-committed, you're all-in. And all the setbacks you can imagine end up happening just like you expect. And even though they truly set you back, you expect them and look at it as part of the price...part of the growth...and you move on, knowing that even in the loss, you're still moving closer to the ultimate goal.
Then you get to the point where you think you get it.
Then you get to the point where you truly understand yourself, and the world in which you're operating/playing within.
Then you get to the point where your colleagues and peers understand just how serious (i.e. good) you are, and the respect follows.
Then you see the real path to get to the promised land, and you understand all the peaks and valleys you must travel through to get there...and you KNOW you're more than capable and READY to handle them, for you've been through the trials and tribs already...you're battle-tested and ready to run through the fire, barefoot over the coals...
...and then because of...something that has less to do with your performance, but the (bad) luck of the situation, it is taken away from you in a heartbreaking fashion that doesn't make you question your preparedness, or your understanding, but whether or not it was MEANT for you to get there or whether you'll ever get there.
Its at that moment that things change. you realize how much you've over-extended yourself in pursuit of a goal that, because of things out of your control, may never be in the cards for you to have. Worse yet, even if you do get to the goal, you wonder can you ever really be proud of yourself, cause it most likely won't be because of you, but how the cards fell.
Its at that moment you hate yourself for devoting yourself to this.
Its at this moment you develop contempt for the goal.
Its at this moment that you DON'T quit, but develop a sort of apathy for the goal and the sport itself. Yeah, you still remember all the lessons from when you were driven, but success or failure means less...its just a game/process and its gonna happen the way it happens so there's no use in getting all riled up about it.
Its at this moment...that you finally end up achieving the goal. And you know what, you care less. Note, I'm not saying "you could care less", I'm saying you develop this shell around yourself that prohibits you from caring to the degree you cared before. Why? Cause you know that the value of the goal will never match the cost you shelled out to get there.
That's how I feel right now.
Cheers.
.JPG)