The Shower

This being my first blog entry, let me preface it with the following...

I was/am not a journalist major. So if my entries end up being short cause my hands get tired from typing...there you go. If I end sentences with prepositions, then that's the way it'll be. If I switch between 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person, then adapt. If I miss capitalizations or contractual apostrophes...hopefully you get the picture.

Lastly, I'm going to attempt to let this blog be purely about my experiences in Europe and not my non-Euro-centric musings otherwise (I'll save those for the tapes). That said...

Those I've emailed/chatted with all ready know that my shower is the most ergonomically incorrect contraption I've seen in a while. I mean, I know historically Europeans were shorter than the average American...but damn! The height in my shower can't be any more than 1.6764 meters (for all you metrically challenged Americans, that equates to 5'6"). Now, the building I'm in, according to the landlord, somehow survived the WWII decimation bestowed upon Frankfurt and is somewhere close to 100 years old. I said that to make the point that the ceilings throughout the rest of the apartment are, using the time-tested "hand-on-the-wall" measuring system us appraisers have come to rely upon, roughly 3.6576 meters (12 feet)--which is typical for many older buildings (don't ask me to prove it or anything though). But still, you mean to tell me they couldn't give us another measily 0.3048 meters (a foot), or even 0.1524 meters (ahh, you math-heads probably figured it out to be...6 inches), to preclude us flat-dwellers from developing a hunchback during our stay. Maybe that was their point...

Anyways, from the picture you can see that the hook for the removable shower head faces the shower curtain, and not the back of the length of the tub. What I'm not sure if you also saw was that the only way the the shower head can be placed into the hook is by having the side where the water jets out facing the wall. So basically, there's no pre-lather "ahh" that I'm sure all Americans have grown accustomed to having right when you step in the shower in the morning (or after a long jog (or when you're sick, etc.)) and that beautifully temperate water hits your skin. NONE OF THAT HERE! The height alone of this shower has turned what is considered by most to be a "refreshing" part of the day into a cold exercise of "get yourself clean and be on with it!"

Now make no mistake, this shower succeeds beautifully at three things many of the American showers from my past have failed at...water temperature, water pressure, and water drain.

Water Temperature. The water is hot enough for my standards, which according to the Hard Rock Hotel in Hollywood, FL is around 43.3 degrees Celsius (110 degrees Fahrenheit), AND equally important, the faucet has extra room to turn so if I need it to get hotter...I have that option.

Water Pressure. Can't be too hard to fail at this one seeing you have a removable shower head, but some places have failed at this as surpiring as it sounds. All I need is enough to make sure there isn't a soapy film left on my skin afterwards--this shower head passes the test.

Water Drain. This is as "pet" a peeve of mine as "Fido" the dog, "Muffins" the cat and "Goldie" the goldfish. There is absolutely nothing worse that having your feet take a bath with the same dirty water you have just showered off your body. And then when you get out, you either soak up the towel outside the shower or leave a foot trail of yesterday's funk for a good 20 or so steps...not cool. Anyways, this drain does what its supposed to do...drain.

And in these three respects we're cool. But its the actual process of how to shower in this "bath with vaulted ceilings" that has me baffled. Yes, I tried taking a shower as if it were a bath, but then how do you get your back. Besides...oh I forgot...

Remember earlier how I said the shower head faces the same wall on which the shower hook rests? Well, for those of you that have a removable shower head, I'd be willing to bet that you have taken for granted the fact that you still have the option to put the shower head back on its hook and use two hands to lather while still having access to a stream of water (and no I do NOT use a loofa...its against my principles). Well, since I don't have this luxury, I'm left with one of three options:

1) still put the shower head back on its hook (causing this humongous and irritating backsplash of water as it hits the wall 4 cm away);

2) turn off the water altogether, thereby providing for either a very dry or sporadic lather (as I have to turn the water off and on to wet the soap)

3) switch the water to the tub faucet...which leads me to the next thing about the shower. the button for the tub faucet doesn't stay down--you push it and it comes right back up. As if it is delighted in trying to forstall an amicable showering experience.

If I try to use one hand to lather the soap (i.e. still hold the shower head)...I ain't that talented. You can try just letting go of the shower head, but then it spins in a wild circle getting everything wet, including the bedroom floor...oh, did I forget to mention that the shower and sink are directly in the corner of my bedroom. In all truthfulness I really don't mind cause that area has ceramic tile while the rest of the bedroom has wood floors. The only thing that's irritating is that the room is too large to steam up...but I guess that's mainly the fault of the 3.6576 meter ceilings. I've also tried holding the shower head with my knees, but the shower head, due to the water pressure, always finds a way to escape my clutch or ultimately aim for the one spot that isn't blocked by the shower curtain--water which inevitably finds its way to the floor outside the shower (i.e. my bedroom).

Hey...I ain't complaining. Cause truth be told, I'm loling throughout the enitre shower. It's really funny to me how a shower can be set up as such. But really its moreso a challenge to try to figure out how best to position myself and the shower head to make for the correct showering experience given the circumstances. I'm sure I'll figure it out...but until then...